Snake. Handled.

The Bronx Zoo Cobra has surrendered to authorities.

As always, The Today Show is all over this developing story.

In other news, 7 children were rushed from the Bronx Zoo to an area hospital when their venom levels mysteriously spiked during a game of Guess What I Found. Authorities are reluctant to speculate on the cause until all of the children’s 14 puncture wounds can be thoroughly examined.

Vocabulary Builder: “Frockey”

Everyone loves ultimate frisbee. It’s the perfect union of exercise, the great outdoors, and stonerdom.

Now someone has taken things too far by merging ultimate frisbee with ice hockey and calling it “Frockey”.

Disasters in Japan, unrest across the Middle East, and now this? Should sports be treated as Play Doh, where we just mash up great-tasting blobs of competition into crude and grotesque Frankensports? Until someone combines lawn bowling, speed skating, and rugby (“Bowlskiby”), the answer is most certainly no.

You Lose.

Well, it seems dumb luck works both ways. A lottery pool made up of Albany IT workers just won the $319 million Mega Millions jackpot. However one regular in the pool decided to opt out of it this one time because he, “wasn’t feeling lucky,” said a coworker. I hope they take this guy’s shoelaces and keep him away from ethernet cables for the next 48 hours.

via Gawker

Bracket Schmacket

Here’s a little statistic that will earn you man-sized cred from your guy pals and all the brain massages you can handle from the ladies at your NCAA Final Four party:

Out of the nearly 6 million people who participated in ESPN’s Tournament challenge, only 2 got it right.

Nobody seems to think these guys had a clue what they were doing when they made their picks. So, to quote Moe From the Simpsons, “Congratulations, you lucky moron(s).”

via SportsGrid

So Money and You Don’t Even Know It

So I need a new wallet and I came across this little number, the Maxx + Unicorn bi-fold wallet. It’s all made from one piece of leather and it keeps it’s slim profile by relieving you of $80 right off the bat! Seriously, Immmgetthatyo!

This is really the only good thing they make unless you’re one of those people who NEEDS a passport case. In which case you may also need slap in the head.

Gas Caps Explained

I’ve mentioned my love affair with rental cars before and this only makes life sweeter. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve pulled into a gas station and not known which side of the car the gas cap is on. Then I have to jump out (it’s usually hot as balls and raining at this point) and run around the car like it’s a one man chinese fire drill. And it never fails, my inability to comprehend spacial relations leads me to try all ninety seven ways of pulling up the gas pump before I get it right.

That ends today. The folks over at Boing Boing have this amazing post about how to find that slippery son-of-a-bitch’n gas cap once and for all. Here’s a quote, “last month I met Joshua Schacter (creator of Delicious) at TED and he told me that most late-model cars have a little arrow on the gas gauge that points to the side of the car with the gas cap.” First I was, ???? then I was like, !!!!

senmeonmyway

Been enjoying the NCAA tourney so far? Nothing signals March quite like the silky commentary of Steve Kerr and Marv Albert. Yes!

How about the reintegration of Rusted Root into our lives, thanks to the folks over at Enterprise Rent-a-Car and their formidable media buy? Are you infuriated? Delighted?

Personally, I’m about 65-35. And that’s only because of the bravery demonstrated by basing a pop hook on what sounds like my 4th grade recorder.