Power Chord Fridays

While cruising the veritable car blog Jalopnik this week, I was introduced to Red Fang. Sounding like a somewhat unfortunate cross between Helmet and Boston, it’s not so much the track that delivers, but the bad-ass DYI-style music video. In summary, the storyline consists of:

1) Buying snacks from Brian Posehn
2) Swinging by a used car lot to pick up a 1980’s station wagon
3) Turning the wagon into a battling ram
4) Proceeding to smash the living shit out of things with it

That, my friends, is a Power Chord Friday.

And with that, we turn things over to unofficial start of summer.
Have a great Memorial Day, bots. Chug hard and troll well.

Please Stop Planking













Last week, we briefly discussed planking, a meme-tastic phenomenon that was largely sequestered to those weirdo vagrant islands down under. This week, the trend of morons being idiots has seeped into our lives a bit more than I am comfortable with. I have Facebook friends—mid-thirties Facebook friends—giddily posting pics of themselves planking. Apple store employees are planking. The NYT has a “hot new trend” piece on planking (this hasn’t actually happened yet; wait about 2 months).

Please. No more. This is stupid. This is a really stupid thing. Hahahahahahahaha we’re so zany! Look at Kylie totally planking on top of that pile of old bagels! Tyler, why don’t you plank next to her! OMG, laying down on stuff is crazy! And sharing these poorly-composed photos with my  peers defines off-the-charts insanity!!!

No. Let’s do better. Let’s start something interesting. Let’s start a trend that makes a comment on our 21st-century existence and initiates valuable dialogue.
For example, what ever happened to icing? That shit was dope.

Dial M for Morning Fool!


Sup nerd. The fuck you want? Talk. Why? Until this morning, I considered all of these to be acceptable phone salutations. Well, nu-uh, not after watching this instructional video on phone manners. And here’s the good news, these gals doesn’t just cover wall phones, they address cordless too! The only problem is they don’t teach us how to say goodbye…

via Everything is Terrible

Baby, You’re the Greatest

You’ve probably seen this baby mask a couple of other times already, like at last week’s Mets Marlins game, and sadly it will have naturally run it’s course by the time Halloween rolls around, basically disqualifying it as a topical costume idea, but that doesn’t mean you can’t jump in with both feet today and body surf this wave until it runs ashore with a flaccid slap, carrying with it tattered trash bags and a few of those green men costumes. So go ahead, let the baby have it’s fun…We’re talking about you.

RIP Macho Man Randy Savage (Ooooooh Nooooooo!)

Sorry to be so grim lately, but the news broke a short time ago that The Macho Man has died in a car accident in Florida. See the report here. Go easy bug guy, I hope they have turnbuckles in heaven.


Here’s a little poem by Jason, who posted it in response to CNN’s coverage:

An Ode to Macho

Macho you amaze us
When you fly off the rope
And unlike Miss Elizabeth
You stayed off the dope

You fought all the greats
And whipped all their asses
We will never forget
Your crazy sunglasses

So, sleep well Macho
You are one of the greats
And tell St. Peter Oh Yeah!!
When you reach the pearly gates.

Well said.

Vocabulary Builder: “Planking”

Every once in a while a rather obscure Australian trend (see rain sticks) becomes thrust into our collective consciousness and we here at Wheeeeeeee feel compelled to give you the straight dope before “the media” has a chance to distort and mischaracterize it (see Rain Stick The Musical: Rain Stick Nights.).

Wikipedia defines Planking as the action of lying face down with arms to the sides of the body, in unusual public spaces and photographing it. Um. ok. So there you have it. Seems pretty harmless (see also, lame), but yesterday a senseless tragedy raised planking’s profile irrevocably. Planking has claimed it’s first life and plankers everywhere called for calm and urged people to become informed before rushing to any judgements. We are only too happy to lend a hand. We want plankers everywhere to know that we stand with them, backs stiff, hands at our sides and balanced on a drive thru menu.

Mustache Intervention

See, this is why you still see small plastic baggies on streets across America: the anti-drug campaign walked away from the “uncomfortably tight shot of an athlete being frank ‘n’ folksy” strategy.

Well heck, Schmitty, you make a good point…but can you take three full steps back?

Power Chord Fridays








For this week’s installment, we go to a successful rock band that boasts a rare combination of being both incredibly awesome and aesthetically, well…no need to rub it in. Join us in cranking up the undeniable power chords that scream from the Buzzcock’s “Everybody’s Happy Nowadays

Sorry we’ve been a little light on the posts this week, bots. We’ll come back strong next week and warm your little microhearts. Promise.