Anyone who knows me, knows I hold those crazy kids (specifically Laverne) very close to my heart. Why in fact just yesterday I bussed my tray at a cafeteria that had a conveyer belt and I couldn’t resist putting my glove on a water bottle and waving as it went by. Which reminds me, if any family members are reading this, I could use a new pair of gloves for Christmas.
So apparently Michael Scott from The Office is a real person and living in Austin, Texas. Thank the Lord.
Good news, guys! Remember the chubby class clown from Lean on Me who, like all the other kids attending East Side High, underwent a course-correct thanks the tough love of Morgan Freeman? Well, I’m happy to report that his path to improvement remains linear to this day. You see, in the movie, Jermaine Hopkins was a crack-smoking, suicidal teen who had nearly run out of options:
And now? It seems Mr. Hopkins has shunned the rock and moved on to more mellow pursuits. Last week, he was arrested for having 200 lbs of marijuana in his SUV:
Keep fighting the good fight, Jermaine! And remember the words of your old principal: you are not inadequate! (although at 200 lbs., the quality of your herb probably was).
HT to Mike D
Great article in Grantland today about the role of the “thumbs up” symbol during an injury on the football field. It astutely illustrates the opposing at forces at play in professional football: the risk, the injuries, the bravery, the compartmentalized love fans have for the game. It also reminded me of one of my favorite Onion images.
This might be the best tale of man versus machine since John Henry. In fact it may better because this actually happened.
I was completely unaware that there was football this past Saturday. Apparently the same goes for the grounds crew at Cowboys Stadium.
Sponge Bob’s liberal take on global warming is poisoning the minds of our youth. In related news, we’re proud to announce that Mr. Krabs will start as regular a contributor to Fox Business starting January, 1.
The Onion is good at a lot of things, but one of the best things they do is identify the edge of reality and push it over the top by a modest 20%. This makes for parody that’s both extremely enjoyable AND chillingly close to the bone.
It’s the funniest bummer in the business!
Let’s get this out of the way…
You’re either in or out on this one. We’re in.