Military Industrial Daddy Complex

I believe Baby Laugh A-Lot was actually a subliminal primer for armed combat, targeted specially to our nation’s little girls. Think about it: the doll’s laugh sounds like an AK-47, and the announcer’s hysteria mimics the horrors of war. What, I’m just a WND-grade conspiracy theorist? Then why are we on the verge of women in combat, smart guy?

Introducing News to You

If you’re like me and have been forced to intentionally avoid all online news sources for fear of seeing Olympic results, then you’re well acquainted with the frustration of having to revert back to a 1994 version of yourself. Someone who relies on the forgetfulness or carelessness of their fellow subway riders who discard scraps of the daily paper on the seat they just vacated.

As with all moments of crisis, Wheeeeeeee is there to help you through and show the world a better way. Today we kick off a daily series that will run throughout the Olympic games titled News to You. In it you’ll find compelling content culled from countless countries for your consumption. I think I just blew out the alliteration detector on WordPress. Today we’re in Russia where this story is still unfolding. Something tells me this one’s got legs, so stay tuned for further developments. Enjoy!


Didn’t I tell you? I count at least 12 legs.


I Have Always Relied on the Trustworthiness of Strangers

The only way to be absolutely certain you can trust somebody is to spring a test on them when they least expect it. In addition to the trust fall, other acceptable methods include being asked if you can put up a loved one’s friend or relative for an undetermined amount of time while they “work through some things.” And yes, of course you both have the same colored toothbrush; this shouldn’t create an ounce of confusion. Don’t give me that look, everyone loves blue you fascist!


Parentally ill

In case you missed it, last night Aly Raisman knocked out the the world’s top gymnast and her teammate, Jordyn Wieber for the final spot in the All-around competition because of a ridiculous new rule: only two athletes from each nation are allowed to compete in the event. It was pretty heartbreaking to watch. Well, for some of us that is. Here’s a shot of Raisman’s parents from earlier in the night quietly urging their daughter on in a way that doesn’t make you want to reach for the Dramamine or a phone to call Child Protective Services.


Power Chord Fridays

Not much by the way of power chords here, but so what? If you can think of a better song to waltz out of work to on a glorious Friday…please submit it and we’ll post it next week.

Thanks for your continued support of—and devotion to —this wonderful internet destination.