Category Archives: Editorial

Citiburst

Posted on by

This type of thing bugs me.

A current Citibank commercial depicts a guy and his Benetton friends using points to create and launch a camera-equipped weather balloon. Assumed selling proposition:
Citi supports your creative, barometric dreams. Weak, but harmless enough.

Unfortunately—and somewhat unsurprisingly because marketers are too often at ease with being scummy and unoriginal—the concept for the spot was surely ripped from a real event…a touching, non-commercial event shared between father and son that happened last year.

Let’s compare!

Original Project, 2010

 

Citbank hack job, 2011

Feel free to visit your neighborhood Citibank branch and demand answers.

King Can

Posted on by

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coming off the heels of their vaunted July 4th can—for which an exhaustive video review can be found here—the bros at InBev have unveiled a full redesign of the classic Budweiser brewskie. As a long-time devotee of Bud Heavy, I find the change a bit off-putting and already miss the classic can, which had a stately timelessness that no Fauxhemian graphic designer need muck with. As someone who makes a living spouting off marketing ideas, however, I’ll admit that the new design is pretty nice. Kudos, Fauxhemian.

via Ad Age

Like Sands through the Hourglass…

Posted on by

10 years ago yesterday, The Strokes released Is This It.

I’m not going to pontificate on the merits of the record, the talent of the band, or the plight of their career. For me personally, it was a seminal moment: It was my first “New York” record, having moved to the city mere months earlier. It was the first new music I ever downloaded on Napster (the UK version that had “New York City Cops” on it…talk about bad timing). Each song instantly rockets me back to my first job fielding calls from Cat Fancy magazine as a lowly Ad Exec. The shitty part? All of these memories make it official: I am an old.

In closing, here’s an incredible performance of “Take it or Leave it” on Letterman from the early days. Now excuse me while I lament my life choices.

David vs. David

Posted on by

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This “site” (or blog, property, premier destination…whatever you wish to call it) certainly falls on the insular side of the spectrum. USA Today we aint. So please forgive us as we split yet another meta-pube with our celebration of new microdocumentary People’s Champion: Behind the Battle. If you are not familiar and enthusiastic about Eli Porter,
the original video, the subsequent remixes, and the rich history of star wipes, please stop reading now and explore some of the (slightly) more approachable content that’s strewn throughout this premier destination.

But yes, they made a film about Eli vs. Envy:

After watching the piece, one thing struck me: it couldn’t be more emblematic of where we are as a society in 2011. This should be put in a time capsule and exhumed 200 years from now, so that social science can learn and debate about The Way Things Were in the early 21st century. Four other quick thoughts:

1. It’s truly amazing that a team of people had the time, the wherewithal, and the gumption to make a high-quality, immaculately edited, THIRTY MINUTE documentary about a fleeting internet meme.

2. The opening three minutes casts light on Millennials at their worst: there are enough faux titles and obscure URLs to make even the most insufferable Harvard Business School grad blush.

3. Poor Envy. The guy has one regrettable performance in a high school talent showcase, and eight years later a menagerie of people—including a doughy emo, old classmates, and even the freaking AV Teacher—are clowning his decision to rhyme “cripple” with “cripple.” An unforgiving era, indeed.

4. “Iron Mic” is a dope-ass name for a freestyle competition.

Hat tip to Cool Cat Chris Lee for the find.

Please Stop Planking

Posted on by

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last week, we briefly discussed planking, a meme-tastic phenomenon that was largely sequestered to those weirdo vagrant islands down under. This week, the trend of morons being idiots has seeped into our lives a bit more than I am comfortable with. I have Facebook friends—mid-thirties Facebook friends—giddily posting pics of themselves planking. Apple store employees are planking. The NYT has a “hot new trend” piece on planking (this hasn’t actually happened yet; wait about 2 months).

Please. No more. This is stupid. This is a really stupid thing. Hahahahahahahaha we’re so zany! Look at Kylie totally planking on top of that pile of old bagels! Tyler, why don’t you plank next to her! OMG, laying down on stuff is crazy! And sharing these poorly-composed photos with my  peers defines off-the-charts insanity!!!

No. Let’s do better. Let’s start something interesting. Let’s start a trend that makes a comment on our 21st-century existence and initiates valuable dialogue.
For example, what ever happened to icing? That shit was dope.

BOO, HEAD SHOT!!!

Posted on by

Yesterday I was on an overseas flight sitting behind a French family—two brothers and a mother. The brothers were about five and seven years old. During the flight, the boys got antsy, and the younger brother began running up and down the aisle antagonizing the seated elder, laughing and squealing all the while. During the course of this horseplay, the mother did nothing, and because I was in the aisle, my seat, leg, arm, and head were glanced several times by the little rascal. It was nothing too egregious, and to be honest I don’t blame the kids for being restless…we were flying fucking Continental. Those seats blow.

About 50 minutes into this episode, the rambunctious child stopped next to my seat and peered into my face. He really got in in there and had himself a look. What I almost did next shocked and disgusted me. I almost screamed “BOO!” right in his face. I swear to you, dear readers, that the “b” sound had formed on my lips and was about to escape before my emergency reserve of human decency kicked in.

So the question I pose is not “Am I a bad person?”, because most certainly I am.
My question is, what would have happened afterward? Obviously, anyone within a 3-row radius would have heard me. And it’s very likely that the kid would have started wailing, causing a prolonged scene…and prolonged scenes are never pleasant on an airplane. But what next? Would someone have ratted me out? Would the mom have assailed me with a jar of pâté? Would the flight attendants have formed a polyester-knit coup? Would we have made an emergency landing in Halifax, whereupon I would be sentenced to a lifetime clubbing seals and growing a lush, filthy beard?

These are the conundrums of Plato.

Somebody Arted

Posted on by

Meet Romulo Celdran, artist and general big thinker. His art, as near as I can tell anyway, consists of taking mundane small things and making them huge. Let’s run that through Romulo’s artspeak modulator: “The concepts of Zoom and Macro give the object new dimensions, strengthening its presence and inviting us to explore it, discovering hidden spaces and unnoticed nooks.”

Nooks…I like that. Thanks Romulo.

He makes things like, pen caps, rubber gloves, and paint tubes, all of which you can check out here.

Basically he’s taking things that bore the shit out of me at normal size and by making them into immense objects he magnifies by boredom about 700%. Great Romulo, how about making a giant waste paper basket or a giant bedside table drawer so nobody breaks their necks on these things.

Earthquake? More Like Lamequake.

Posted on by

 

 

 

 

 

 

So…another earthquake hit Japan. Apparently no damage resulted from the latest shimmy-shake, but…

OK, earthquakes. We get it. You proved your point. Man is nothing but a selfish, sexy ant colony crawling atop a giant hill—squashable with the sweep of a watery fist. Existance is fragile. Everything we hold dear can be taken away in an vengeful instant. We hear you loud and clear. Message freaking received.

Now you’re just being a dick, earthquakes. You’re a sick joke told 10 too many times. Don’t be that guy, bro. Leave Japan alone. And fuck you very much.

American Roadmaster

Posted on by

This weekend, I’m taking a little trip out of town and I’m renting a car. Let me say this right off the bat, I love renting cars. Hell, you spring for a nice one, you can open her up on some rural road and see what it takes before the chassis starts to shake. Plus, they usually smell terrific and it’s likely to be cleaner than the hotel you’re ending up at. But what I think I love most of all is terrestrial radio, or what’s left of it anyway. I feel completely overwhelmed by satellite radio and the aversion by some channels to playing any songs you’ve heard before. Now I’m not saying this is a bad thing. I’m speaking primarily about long car trips. I NEEEED the Night Rangers, the Franky Valley’s, and the little treats the oldies stations drop on you like the theme to Welcome Back Kotter by I Dunno and the Who Cares. Thank you regional DJ, and your ever-expanding catalog of what qualifies as an “oldie.” You’re all heroes of the road.

You’ve come a long wheeeeeeee, baby.

Posted on by

Hard to believe that six short months ago, a silly blog called wheeeeeeee! rose from the smoldering ashes of countless happy hours gone wrong.

Here’s to an à la mode future filled with more hugs, more love, and even more visitors (bot or mammal, we’re pretty much ambivalent).

Comment Roundup

Posted on by

Since our auspicious launch in September 2010, we’ve drawn incredible interest and much ballyhoo from one of the most sought-after audiences on the web: The Spambots. Every day, our plucky digifriends provide feedback, ideas, and humbling praise that affirms our decision to invest our life savings into this property lo those many months ago.

Below, we present our most cherished comments from the past 6 months. Thanks for reading, and keep ‘em coming!

Continue reading →

Proud to Be a Merkin

Posted on by

Well, 2011 has arrived along with all the promise and hope of the coming year. This is a time to shed unhealthy habits, repair fractured relationships, and pledge to be less of a shit overall. It’s also a time to broaden your horizons by learning something entirely new. If you’re lucky that certain something rocks you to your core and changes how you relate to the world around you.

On New Year’s Day, I found out about merkins. In an instant, I felt that middle school failed me. As you may know, a Merkin is a wig that someone wears over their pubic area. Naturally this little nugget ignited a curiosity in me that has produced more questions in me than answers. Well this ends today…ok, maybe over the next couple of days depending on my schedule.

Here at Wheeeeeeee, our crack team has worked around the clock, compiling interviews, trivia and medical records to deliver to you, trusted reader, the most comprehensive look at merkins to date. The result is a feature we like to call, “What I Learned Over Xmas Break-An Education in 3 Acts.” So sit back, find some loose fitting britches and enjoy being illuminated where the sun don’t shine. Continue reading →