Now why didn’t this result in a generation of women who felt they needed to shave their men and rub them down with Old Spice? I guess Ken just wasn’t the influencer that Barbie is. Hear that plastic woman roar!


Killin’ Me Softy


Man, it must have been some kind of winter because I completely forgot about the jingle that will soon surround me at all times, burrowing into my subconscious and manifesting as a dreamscape wherein a vast and unknowable soft serve sea laps gently at a shaved ice shore beneath a void dotted with rainbow sprinkles.